Leave the Baggage Behind. Embrace Change!

We cling to patterns. They are a security, a warm and comforting place to return to; the familiar. Change is discomfort, a rough sea tossing you, you can’t control it, it feels like you will be capsized, and submerged by change.

So, of course, we gravitate back to our comfort zone. In that zone are our beliefs, our habits, our misconceptions, our knowledge, our strength, and our fear. If you are in a relationship, you have a shared zone with your partner. In your shared zone you’ve managed to cram all of the memories, patterns, and habits that the two of you have in common. Good and bad, it’s all there.

The things you carry in your comfort zone maybe holding you back from making the changes you desire. If you want to go to another level in your relationship, move lovemaking into the stratosphere, and use that awesome sexual connection to transform your relationship and yourselves then you’re going to have to leave the baggage behind, baby!

How do you do that? There have been gobs of books written on this subject, many worth reading, but let me humbly offer three simple things that you can think about and act on.

1. Start with yourself and being mindful. Can you observe what you are experiencing, step out of yourself for a moment, and evaluate without acting? We all get caught up in our emotions but some of what we feel may have nothing to do with now but are more about what happened then. When I let emotions that come from past experience guide my behavior in the present, I don’t always get the outcome I want or give my partner what she deserves. (Note: Talking isn’t always your friend.) Sometimes, the best way to solve a problem is to just walk away from it. Take your partner by the hand and walk away together. Some problems you can solve together because they have nothing to do with who the two of you are now but come from what you were then.

2. Allow your partner to feel and don’t take it personally. Men and women do this but men, especially, will try to fix problems. Let’s face it; we like to fix things, right guys? I know I do. But, when your partner is hurting, venting, or sad, sometimes the best thing you can do for her is just be there with her, let her feel it, and just let her know it’s OK. She needs to know that you don’t think any less of her because of what she’s feeling, even if you’re taking one on the chin in the process. We won’t always be able to detach (see item 1) and sometime your partner will get swept away by it all. Don’t judge her for that, you may be in the same boat next week. Wait, observe, and listen to your intuition. There will be that moment when she’ll be ready to be comforted, held, and loved. Be there for her (or for him cause guys do it to) and love her.

3. Embrace change! Look for those moments in your life when there’s a potential new state and allow yourself to move into it without hanging onto the past. We love to dig stuff up. “Remember, in 1995, when you said . . ?” You can bring that one up again and again but guess what, 1995 was then and this is now. You can choose to relive what happened then or you can be here now. Reliving those bad memories and experiences won’t make them be anything other than what they were. In fact, the more you think about them and relive them the worst they will become. It’s the choice that you and your partner make. Stay in the hole and be miserable or get out. You can create new, good experiences in the present. Its possible to replace the memory of the not so great things in the past with the awesome things you are creating right now.

We control our experience, what we feel, say and do right now. Feeling good is a choice. Having an awesome relationship is something two people can choose to do. But, doing it requires leaving the past behind, embracing change, and celebrating each other. Love each other, unconditionally, and watch the magic happen.

Comments

[Jo]

Once upon a time I feared change.

Through a series of significant life changing events in a very short period of time, I've come to welcome it. Accept it. Learn and grow from it.
Change is not always good, but there is always something to be learned from it. And if you are mindful of it you will learn a great deal about yourself, your environment, and others. No matter the outcome, your life will be enriched by it.
As good as our comfort zones may feel, take a chance! Step outside! Life is to be experienced ..........not just lived. There are no second chances. So, don't worry all the time about doing it "right". Just do it!

Change.
It's inevitable.