The Role of the Daka

The Daka is there to witness the divinity of the Goddess.  In doing this he is there to create a safe space where she is heard.  Tantra as a feminine modality requires the masculine to realize the non-duality that is its essence.

This is what the Daka provides the gift of hearing and being present with Her.

Therefore, the Daka's practice involves the cultivation of ever greater presence.  By being fully in the body, he can be most available; best able to support Her as she raises her voice.  This great service is a joy in the giving.  It is the root of the masculine practice.

In the sexual context, this becomes the motivation for ejaculation mastery and FBO (full body orgasm) cultivation.  Rather than being ego driven it is for purpose of connection.  In union with Her, in her moment of sexual expression, the Daka must have the wherewithal to be able to stay the course.  Be with her until she has expressed all that is within her.

This sexual practice is nothing more than a physical representation, a metaphor if you will, for something much deeper and more abiding.  The connection that is possible in service to the Goddess.

Thank you, Goddess, for allowing me to give to you.

TL

Pumpkin Pie is a Vegetable

Yes, I know, pumpkin pie isn’t the same as pizza or ketchup but it’s still a vegetable all the same.  They tell you it’s desert.  But, that’s just a trick to get you to eat your vegetables.

There are lots of tricks in the world.  I get tricked all the time.  Some of the time it’s without even knowing it and other times I just let myself believe.  I want to believe so much, so desperately, that a Shake Weight will actually make me look like a body builder or the person whose name I check in the voting booth will actually do something for me, for my family, for the people I want so much to help in my life.

Because, at the end of the day, family is something we can believe in.  Not an idealized perfection of what we’re told a family is supposed to be but the reality of what a family is; the people who show up.  The people we are with, or choose to be with, day in and day out.  The people who we love because love defines us, makes us who we are, and makes a family.

So, maybe the pumpkin pie you bought at the grocery store is more butter, flour, eggs, and cream than it is pumpkin.  And, the pumpkin in that pie is something scraped out of a can.  Or, maybe the pumpkin pie that’s on your plate is a left over jack-o-lantern, saved from melting after that first frost (or early snow) and brought inside to be roasted in the oven while still fresh so it could find a higher purpose; a vegetable-y purpose on our table.

However it got here; it showed up.  We can be glad about that.  We can know in our hearts and believe that pumpkin pie is a vegetable.

Happy Holidays

I Observe You

It is relationship that defines us. Through our interaction with others and our environment, we know ourselves. What has meaning is that which is witnessed profoundly. Whether I am experiencing fear, elation, sadness, or great pleasure, the meaning of those experiences are defined by how they are observed by those who surround me.

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Seeking the Essence of Relationship

Seek the essence of what makes you a couple, enjoy the love and the connection, rediscover relationship.I recently received this note from a dear friend.  I wanted to share it with you.

Dear TL,

My husband and I have been together for 12 years now, and we have a pretty good relationship for the most part. He is a devoted father of our two wonderful kids, and a very good provider; he is a civil engineer who owns his own company. At the same time I consider myself to be an affectionate mother and I also contribute an important share to our finances, thanks to my managing position in an important Corporation.

When it comes to intimacy, I can feel that there is tension in the bedroom... every move seems to be calculated and predictable; every word that is said doesn't carry the emotion that comes from the heart. The look in his eyes makes me feel like a client he's about to seal a deal with!

I have tried to incorporate some creativity in our encounters by lighting candles. I bought some "spicy lingerie"; however it doesn't seem to make any difference.

I don't want to give up on our physical expression.  I feel there is still much love between us; therefore I would greatly appreciate your advice on this matter.

DW

My sweet DW,

You are a wonderful and loving woman. I applaud you and your desire to give and experience the richness in your relationship. Clearly, you love each other very much and have so much to give. This is wonderful to experience.

We are all creatures of habit. We develop patterns and specific ways of being. Sometimes, breaking those patterns can be difficult. I'm sure your husband desires to please you and make you happy. He is a man who has experienced success in all that he does. Why wouldn't he also look to be successful in the bedroom?

When one digs through all the information on the internet about sexuality, there's only a small part that truly tells us how to love, to give to another, and to do the things that create a real connection between two people who love and are committed to one another. We all struggle to find a way to express ourselves in this way.

So, DW, when things don't seem to be working well, the first step is to stop doing and begin being. Go back to the very essence of what makes the two of you a loving couple. Connect. Try just laying in bed together and feel your bodies against each other. Look in each others eyes, feel your breath and try to synchronize your breathing. Feel your bodies become so aligned with each other that its almost like your hearts are beating the same cadence.

Lay there and just be. Set no goal. Seek nothing except the moment. Make this a meditation where all that exists is your breath and the feeling of your bodies against each other. Just as in meditation, observe the thoughts that go through your mind and then release them and return to your breath again. Celebrate the two of you just being you, together. Looking into the eyes of your partner and allow yourself to love. Stop doing and just be.

If you feel yourself becoming aroused allow that to happen. Don't act on it but just experience the changes that are taking place in your two bodies. Know how good it feels to feel yourself become wet and open. Feel how nice it is to feel his erection grow and then soften again against you. Look for tension in your bodies and relax.

Try this a few times and then, if you feel yourself moved to make love do so. But, agree that anytime the two of you are making love and you feel yourselves not in the moment that you will stop and go back to this meditation. You may not experience orgasm or release but let this goal go with all the others.

Seek the essence of what makes you a couple, enjoy the love and the connection, rediscover relationship.

Love,

TL

 

Losing Libido Led to the Source of Love

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