Seeking the Essence of Relationship

Seek the essence of what makes you a couple, enjoy the love and the connection, rediscover relationship.I recently received this note from a dear friend.  I wanted to share it with you.

Dear TL,

My husband and I have been together for 12 years now, and we have a pretty good relationship for the most part. He is a devoted father of our two wonderful kids, and a very good provider; he is a civil engineer who owns his own company. At the same time I consider myself to be an affectionate mother and I also contribute an important share to our finances, thanks to my managing position in an important Corporation.

When it comes to intimacy, I can feel that there is tension in the bedroom... every move seems to be calculated and predictable; every word that is said doesn't carry the emotion that comes from the heart. The look in his eyes makes me feel like a client he's about to seal a deal with!

I have tried to incorporate some creativity in our encounters by lighting candles. I bought some "spicy lingerie"; however it doesn't seem to make any difference.

I don't want to give up on our physical expression.  I feel there is still much love between us; therefore I would greatly appreciate your advice on this matter.

DW

My sweet DW,

You are a wonderful and loving woman. I applaud you and your desire to give and experience the richness in your relationship. Clearly, you love each other very much and have so much to give. This is wonderful to experience.

We are all creatures of habit. We develop patterns and specific ways of being. Sometimes, breaking those patterns can be difficult. I'm sure your husband desires to please you and make you happy. He is a man who has experienced success in all that he does. Why wouldn't he also look to be successful in the bedroom?

When one digs through all the information on the internet about sexuality, there's only a small part that truly tells us how to love, to give to another, and to do the things that create a real connection between two people who love and are committed to one another. We all struggle to find a way to express ourselves in this way.

So, DW, when things don't seem to be working well, the first step is to stop doing and begin being. Go back to the very essence of what makes the two of you a loving couple. Connect. Try just laying in bed together and feel your bodies against each other. Look in each others eyes, feel your breath and try to synchronize your breathing. Feel your bodies become so aligned with each other that its almost like your hearts are beating the same cadence.

Lay there and just be. Set no goal. Seek nothing except the moment. Make this a meditation where all that exists is your breath and the feeling of your bodies against each other. Just as in meditation, observe the thoughts that go through your mind and then release them and return to your breath again. Celebrate the two of you just being you, together. Looking into the eyes of your partner and allow yourself to love. Stop doing and just be.

If you feel yourself becoming aroused allow that to happen. Don't act on it but just experience the changes that are taking place in your two bodies. Know how good it feels to feel yourself become wet and open. Feel how nice it is to feel his erection grow and then soften again against you. Look for tension in your bodies and relax.

Try this a few times and then, if you feel yourself moved to make love do so. But, agree that anytime the two of you are making love and you feel yourselves not in the moment that you will stop and go back to this meditation. You may not experience orgasm or release but let this goal go with all the others.

Seek the essence of what makes you a couple, enjoy the love and the connection, rediscover relationship.

Love,

TL